just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
Well i just learned hong kong is a country...thank you olympics
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I'm playing a game where i judge myself by whats in my cart. Also have 3 bright red giant buckets
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
On the bright side his mom approves of me. Though it's apparently because she sleeps with married men and has a soft spot for "fellow homewreckers"
I asked her to make me water, which in turn meant get me a glass. She handed me a cup of microwaved ice cubes.
I was literally convinced that the turkey wrap i was eating was keeping me alive. And i couldnt have been happier. That high.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
Taking my infected piercing out in the parking lot of the food card place. This is one of those life defining moments that makes me sad.
Tell me why I woke up outside of our hotel room Wearing a cowboy hat and boots in Las Vegas.
We were both too drunk to drive home. So we did it in the coat closet and then I walked home. 20/20 hindsight: Could have both walked to my apartment and then had sex there.
Remember when you gave their 80 year old doorman a line of molly at 5am?
She's chasing the cat around the house hitting it with a cardboard sword yelling "there can be only one!"
Randomize
