Did u pay ur friends to not make fun of me?
Before I dignify that with an answer, let me get this straight. You're asking me if I wiped my ass on the towels?
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I didn't scare your mother by showing up on the roof, did I?
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
Those titties aren't worth a lifetime of listening to her talk about gluten free yams and japanese manga.
Feels like someone put a cigar out where my butthole used to live
That money I left you should go to the stripper that fell asleep in your bed. Sorry
Sorry bro I thought you were kidding. If I'm actually jerking off I usually said "Just a sec getting dressed" or something
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
BTW, Julia referred to you as a power bottom. Are you available?
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
My roommate randomally bought me two bags of pretzels. Worst "Sorry you can hear me fucking my boyfriend everynight" gift ever.
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
my dad just liked my status about my bowl being stolen even he feels my pain
Randomize
