you always know who the new freshman are on fb because theyre always wearing prom dresses
his penis looked like arnold from hey arnold. it was interesting.
Her brother was practicing the clarinet....it was like having sex in a starbucks
If I die I am blaming you for not answering to tell me the proper dosage of horse tranquilizers to take
Also, I'd like to add that that I'm not quitting my job, my boss fed me shots at 11 am this morning.
I'm on my way, but at some point we're going to have to settle who gave who crabs the last time
Leaving the phone at home last night was the best decision I ever made.... Though I still managed to text her and now I have 2 phones...
I expected to wake up with a sext of you posing nude and all I got was a missed call.....disappointed.
I'm sorry I think it was because I lost a chicken nugget in my purse and that's all that was on my mind until 4am
Um yeah. I just puked. And found your contact.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
ok now I feel liek a very drunk human instead of a chaos being thanks water
He gave me the "find somebody who wants to date you for who you are" speech while I walked around the house asking people for pants.
I have a bottle of vodka wrapped in a leg warmer in my purse. This is what it takes to get through Christmas with my family.
Im sober enough to understand what people are saying but drunk enough to understand its hilarious
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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