I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
dude my grandmas the shit. she has a sixth grade education and got hit by a car when she was 18. she cant smell.
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
Dude you just tried to have a one night stand with my ex girlfriend while we were trying to put you to bed upstairs.
but that still doesn't explain how i woke up on the couch down stairs.
A disheveled girl in front of me just looked down, shrieked, and yelled to the girl next to her "what is this" while pointing at two large white stains near the crotch of her black jeans. I love that Thursdays are weekends, it makes awesome Friday mornings
Nothing says Christmas like gin and tears.
Bro... You handed me an ice cube from your drink and said "tell me if it tastes like pickles".
You me handle of captain and a sorostitute study sesh, if we don't get laid mancards must be relinquished
I'm considering offering a class on how to find good porn.
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
I'm taking pictures of my asshole to send to my boss. This is not what I had in mind the day after thanksgiving.
Her oh Gods turned into oh god I shouldn't be doing this I'm engaged.
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