im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
Party at my house. Liquor pinata. Your presence is required.
Don't let the fact that shes seen my penis discourage you
I'm so high I feel like I'm pedaling a bicycle but I'm laying on the couch. My body might be vibrating. I made soup.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
by the time the kitchen caught on fire everyone was too drunk to be alarmed. the host just poured beer on it to put it out. how was yours?
Dude she let me install handle bars on her headboard. I should have nailed my boss years ago.
The bartender just legitimately thanked me for breaking the cycle of speed metal by playing mmmbop.
i don't think that has ever happened before in the history of man
Who knows. I'd probably only get a makeout with an OTPHJ from her so the return on sexual investment from her isn't looking that great.
And I'm only telling you that because I really wanted to use 'my boyfriend' and 'dick biscuit' in the same sentence.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I felt like the hulk waking up from a black out except with munchies
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
After the "sex" was over I dressed as quickly as possible. And then he came over to me stark naked and embraced me. For over a minute. And all I could think was please get your penis off my dress.
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