my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
I don't think its a good idea if I moon a whole bar again
I woke up this morning really drunk with my Christmas lights on and two owls in my bed.
It's not my fault. Someone keeps buying me tequila shots. Idk who. But every time I look down there's another. I think there's a conspiracy.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
I sobered up in the middle of it, that I was hooking up with him in a rosemary bush. I woke up smelling like a pasta dish
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
oh and apparently my boobs are named "have no fear" and "plenty o'beer"
with the way the semester is going, being a stripper is starting to sound better and better everyday
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
This is the fifth time tonight that girl has taken off my pants. Take me home. Now.
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
I looked into her soul, didn't I?
You eye-fucked her soul.
Randomize
