I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
I just put up a picture on my dorm room wall of that ginger you hooked up with to remind myself that everyone makes mistakes
He told his ice cream cone it 'looked cute' and then started to cry. The Dairy Queen people were not pleased.
All you have to do is speak. Your voice reverberates strait to my vagina.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
She dresses like Bruce Banner and fucks like the Hulk. She is all of my lesbian fantasies come true.
See if shell let you call her dr banner in bed
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
GOD I WOULD STAB DANNY IN THE EYE WITH HIS OWN PENIS
.........That big, huh?
No. I would cut it off
Randomize
