ohhh my god. this party should be titled "my hookups of summers past" be expecting some good stories tomorrow
i'll give you all the meat in my fridge in exchange for 2 condoms.
I wonder if he just picks random boners to send or just the realy impressive ones
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
All I can remember is being told by a guy named Kyle to stay in the corner until the cops left. Then waking up on a porch outlined in beer cans 8 blocks from my house. Pregaming for college.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
only thing in my fruit bowl is 4 champagne corks and a jenga piece . Tuesday.
Got high again and all I want to do is wave this flag around
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
