I think I tried picking up these girls last night by asking them what their favorite color was...I obviously woke up alone
kevin brought a 6ft brunette runway model with him tonight. Now, im not sure what the fuck the color of the " i get it, its over, Im ugly" flag is.... but i'll wave it.
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Omg. In the pub, there's a guy shouting at the olympic channel 'yeah! Kill that motherfucker!' we're watching figure skating.
You know how I know it's Spring Break? I just passed a car with "South Padre bound" shoe polished on the back. The driver was blatantly drinking a roadie and getting road head.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
four loko is apparently banned in the us. so i think its time for us to stock up. i already emailed them about buying them in bulk
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
No... No really he actually thought the condom was meant for his hand...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
he couldnt get it up, so i stole his lighter. i needed to have some reason to say the night wasnt wasted
This guy is clearly nuts his idea of a hangover cure is a six pack poured into a camelpack then hiking 3 miles with a weighted vest. He said "learned it in the army i guess drink beer beat the heat"
I tried to take home a cat on broadway last night. I named him Pinocchio and put my purse down on the sidewalk and tried to put it inside it
I feel like we need to find him and explain that if the two of them would just fuck he'd understand.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
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