my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
So I'll spare the details, but I think I discovered I'm lactose intolerant. In my sleep. And you'll be needing new sheets.
i'm naked playing bejeweled blitz in your bed. this is both a forewarning and an apology
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
i'll probably be on drugs forewarning
forewarning i'll probably have done those drugs with you
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
All I'm saying is that if you have time for a 20 min shower bj you have time for me
She knew the head wasn't all that so she gave me her taco. I'm will in to give her a second chance.
But for real though. That weed tastes like the jolly laughter of Santa Claus.
Bring me a cialis. .. I feel like having a super dick today
Soooo I think my neighbor just saw me masturbating on my porch
Do you ever get so high you're like vibrating
and then you proceeded to throw soup at him for calling you a bitch...a CAN of soup...
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
