At the Phils game. My gay buddy just wanted up to a bunch of Mets fans and said "I'm gay, and even I think Mets fans are a bunch of fags." I love this fuckin town.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
For once I'd like to have a Taco Sunday without having some random drunk chick flee my house half naked and in tears.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
I just ate powdered extacy out of my wallet. I think I might have for a second of my reasonable life been on your level.
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
If I had really thought it through, I would have bought some Depends, popped one on and made this night my bitch.
I convinced a shit ton of people I was a russian foreign exchange student to get free drinks. I knew learning those accents would come in handy.
Good, be his mentor. Like a tiny gay Yoda.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
I shouldn't be drunk at 3 pm but alas, here we are...
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
I still don't understand if he's using me to write his resume or if we're dating
WELP I KNOW THE HAPPY HOUR DRINKS WERE GOOD BECAUSE MOM JUST INFORMED ME I AM THE RESULT OF POKED HOLE IN THE DIAPHRAGM
Randomize
