Ehh boy. FML. she was unattractively large.
I no longer question where these bruises come from... between the strip pole in the living room, the slipnslide in the hallway and our constant level of intoxication I will always be bruised...
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
So I think his penis grew over the weekend. Is that possible or does absence make the dick grow longer?
Yeah we call her cincohandjabos because she gave 5 guys handjobs one night in 5th grade
I almost just texted "I'm lonely" to my gynecologist.
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
I told my boss that I'm in a slutty stage of my life right now and the chef overheard and slipped me his number. I might get laid tonight
holy fucking shit get me out of here. even the babies are wearing beanies
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
Who the fuck is "nick from the beach last year"
No idea hahaha...why?
He just texted me.. Should I ask where I met him?
Went home last night with that hot British guy. Sounded like I was f-ing in a Harry Potter movie.
this strobe light makes my body turn on and off
What is ur current declared sexuality for my bingo board
Randomize
