I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Um, that's called prostitution
Not if I leave it on the nightstand, then it's called cab money
I want Jason Statham to talk British to my vagina.
That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
I can't believe we just used the phrase "jizz to juice ratio" in casual conversation.
Dude, we took our shirts off and set our chest hair on fire. That's a low point.
You raise a valid concern
You don't realize it's a small world until your ex girlfriend's dad unintentionally messages you on grindr..what.the.fuck.
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
Just saw a car towing a guy on skis drive by so that’s how Syracuse is doing today.
Randomize
