Thanks for jumping on that grenade for me last night. You're the best wingman ever
She ate 7 of the 8 slices of pizza. I deserve a purple heart and sex w your sister
I've done 29 out of the 30 things to do to a naked man according to Cosmo. I don't know if that makes me innovative or slutty.
Genius.
be a good friend and just tell me i'm not pregnant
i wish i could "like" people's thoughts in real life like i can on facebook
you can....by speaking....
dont ever smoke after you drink again... i dont think ive ever seen...or heard of someone throwing up and farting at the same time. that is, if you were farting.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
Just to be safe, you should be prepared to jump out of a second story window
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
You know, having a conversation evolve from attractive men to roommate orgies would be weird with anyone else, but you get me.
The only thing you accomplished yesterday was dry humping me on the floor of my work place WHILE I was working.
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
