how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
I'm pretty sure I'm the first person in the history of this college to rollerblade their walk of shame.
Nothing says happy gameday like waking up in only an ACC Championship shirt in the qb's bed with a different football player
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
And I might have stolen a bag of Doritos out of Matt's car and hid them in my bag and gave individual chips out to people dancing, trying to convince people they were mini tacos.. Like why Am I allowed to be an adult
I just accepted my offer to work as a camp counselor over the phone between shots of Fireball. This is going well for me so far.
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
I'm about to turn myself in when I'm less hungover.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
You ruined a cute cat because your lack of horniness
my ex finally blocked me on all social media and tbh I'm only pissed because his roomate just got a puppy
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
