i wish swine flu would become a total pandemic so we cld be rid of all the people that are complaining about it
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
There are paw prints all over my ceiling.
I miss the days of selfishly blowing a load in the condom without her knowing and acting all like "we shouldn't do this" so she would get dressed and leave.
was it me or did you scream 'champagne motherfucker' when you punched him in the face ??
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
Are we sharing a room, or can I pack my vibrator?
Yes to both. We'll use the workout rotation from dorm life.
I've friend zoned this boy hard. I made him change my nipple rings before he went home.
A guy with the name Pootie Tang winked st me and a guy that doesn't speak English messaged me. These are my choices?
Remember the couple Steve and I heard and rated their sex based on the bed squeaks cuz we couldn't sleep through the noise? We got them back. They turned up the radio to drown us out.
It's okay I didn't send any nudes tonight so we are safe *inserts photo of a baseball umpire doing the safe signal*
My new roommate is one of my Tinder matches... It is so on.
I found your birth control, it was in your Crown Royal bag.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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