My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
I want to see a picture of the girl worth ruining our relationship for
Wish i knew that 10 minutes ago when i told him to dance with my blackberry while i got another drink
Just met someone from Jersey. No fist pumps or jagerbombs. Kind of disappointed...
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
There is something about weddings and lines being done off my ass
is it still called a breakup if its your friends boyfriend that you have stopped sleeping with?
I mean two cocks this time. Trust me, I'm not gonna pull the same stunts as last time in this situation
Ok. I am hammered I will admit it but my legacy needs to live and your the only woman that could spawn satan. We need to talk.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
Hey, I found that piece of pizza you lost in my bed last night. Never again...
Hypothetically speaking...if I was arrested in Wisconsin, say Kenosha county, would you post my bail all the way from Oregon? If yes, will you also accept my collect call in t-minus 13 hours?
DO NOT PREHEAT THE OVEN THIS MORNING! WE STARTED USING IT AS A WINE STASH AROUND MIDNIGHT.
Randomize
