I just did your MASH and your life is pretty unfortunate. Youre marrying the tech guy for love. you live in a shack and you're a hooker and you make $1 a day. you drive a brown limo and you have 7 kids
Hey man sorry I got all grabby
Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
We just found a knife wedged in between the cushions on the couch you guys fucked on...why is this?
I have to be at work in a hour. Can you sufficiently fuck me in 35 minutes?
I no longer believe that the road to self esteem is through his penis.
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
And then he dove into my vagina like scrooge mcduck into a room of gold
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
That was so not worth putting pants on for.
All I have are vague memories of us eating ham?
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
Randomize
