do you realize that she was the awkward lesbian in high school and now bangs more girls than probably both of us combined?!
It really ruins the moment when you have to ask to resend the nude pics.
The night took a downhill turn when he started using a butter knife as a spoon to drink his cosmo
I'm writing my will in case I die this week, it'll be saved on my computer under: little 500 death scenario
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
And then I cried about the Cubs for a half hour. If my dignity hadn't already been lost by that point in the night, it sure as hell was then.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I gave him morning sex, a bag of cookies, and dropped him off at work. I believe I deserve the "best hookup award."
I wish I knew the extent of my injuries before I climbed over the fence. Might have avoided the need to purchase a cupholder for my wheelchair.
You ran into the tattoo shop screaming PIERCE MY TITIES
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
Does this mean I have to put a bra on now
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods
Wanted to let you know I hooked up with your brother.
i thought he was gay wtf
I can get weed and taco bell delivered but frozen peas and a loaf of bread are just too scarce, what the hell is wrong with people?
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