I love how you send me nude pics of girls you're fucking and name them by which city they're in instead of their name. "This is Nashville, this is Tupelo, this is Jackson..."
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Ran into him today. He apologized via facebook. sometimes I hate our generation
they were just spraying pledge on themselves and calling it lemon cologne.
He snuck into some random hotel's continental breakfast at 3 AM and then passed out on a bench in the lobby. When the cops found him they made him empty out his pockets. No phone, no ID just muffins.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
Remember when spice girls "Two Become One" came on just as we were about to fuck? talk about a boner jam
It would only make sense that I'd cheat on him with his best friend on the ides of march...
Drinking loves me for WHO I am
I decided to let him keep the rest of my good weed as an "I'm sorry for being a drunk ass ho" consolation prize.
the only things my left hand does: catch/hold things and masturbation.
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
The usual, icing my vag with a chimichanga.
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
How much have you had to drink?
Qhaghao Oslo?
That seems like quite a lot.
Randomize
