Okay, I have a threesome with foreigners and suddenly I'm a man-whore
yeah for some reason your penis didn't fit in my mouth the other day
bitch asked me if i cared if she kept her snuggie on while we had sex
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
We thought you were crowd-surfing until we realized it was the bouncers throwing you out
Can we go to Home Depot next week? Drunk Kim broke my toilet with a hammer.
I just texted him and asked him to keep some in case I need help sealing the deal.
Girl Scout cookies are like roofies for fat chicks.
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
If you're ever desperate for a guy's #, ask him to call your lost cell phone so you can find it. Some genius used that on me last night. FML
Get over here asap there are three naked girls two bottles of whiskey and only one of me
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
As a friend tho, you have the biggest dick I've ever seen
I've had pants off for 3 hours now. America.
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
Randomize
