just come out here and I will go home with you...
I just masturbated at work. Does that make me a prostitute since i just technically got paid to have sex?
Just asked what her favorite part of a guys body is. She said ballsack. I'm in love.
Found a bar with a washer and dryer and they serve food. I never have to leave
I want to spend time with you, and by time, I mean real time. Not your dick in my mouth time.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
I'm so hungover. I just keep eating the otter pops I'm trying to use to get rid of my hickies.
At least I remembered to wear a bra. I feel like that's a big accomplishment right now
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Used my brand new sperrys as a trash can to throw up in and woke up with someone's random key in my hair...new year new me:)
i agree, on both the sex thing and the unrepentant bastard thing
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
I'm constantly crying, and now I start crying every time I masturbate which is a fun development.
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
