so high driving around just saw a woman in a pink shirt chillin riding a horse
so high at work that a 35 year old with his kids handed me visine and winked at me. you win with the horse though
i'm starting to get pissed at how pandora is trying to force coldplay on me
can you pick me up an extra syllabus
i passed out in the shower again
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
She acts like a 3 year old but with fantastic tits. This girl is the reason women are objectified
You fell out of the chair and then lifted your foot saying, "If my foot could give you the middle finger it would."
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
I twisted my ankle while drunkenly playing in my adult kickball league. Now I'm having to use my grandpa's cane to walk at this party. I am so single.
I was so drunk I got motion sickness from sex.
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
