I just threw up on my dentist
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
I just saw a guy wearing a tuxedo shirt under his overalls. That is true iowa class right there
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
No. If you are gonna end this, you are gonna do it right. Not by getting bombed and falling on a strange penis. That was the old you.
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I was woken up in my old house by the new residents ... I don't even have a Key anymore
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
It took me longer to finish the bottle of scotch we bought together on New Years than it did for her to meet a new guy and get engaged
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
He was cute in a Sketchy-trying-to-sell-you-a-vaccum-at-9-at-night kinda way.
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