now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
I think I'm going to go home and read The Bible.
I think a 5 ft pyramid of jello shots in honor of the egyptians is in order
Not enough clothes on. Not enough vagina. Not enough drugs in my body.
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
I've reached the point to where my pre-gaming needs to be limited to pre-inning-ing
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Let me know when ur ready so I can throw up one last time then brush my teeth
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
Moral of the story: next time my plans include you and bourbon, I'm packing a toothbrush.
He must be a special kind of stupid to cheat on a women who works at a funeral home. Does he not understand you can get rid of dead bodies easier than most Americans?
My brother is chasing tequila with vodka. Not sure how it will turn out, but I like his style.
I'm literally naked with a whole pizza in my lap sitting in my chair.
He stumbled out of their hotel room and yelled, "I'M ON A STATEWIDE TOUR. I'VE BEEN IN KENTUCKY AND OKLAHOMA."
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