Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
All I could think about when I saw her was that she could be the mother of my future first round draft picks
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
No he can't help me find his house he is strapped to a stretcher facing the opposite direction
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
He played with my boobs the whole time we watched Scott Pilgrim and then started invited others to play with them too. It reminded me of how my mom gives out my french fries without asking.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
Let's play the game let's see how long Kayla can be sober
He started yelling "you tha man!" while I was reverse cowgirl
No one wanted to hang out so vodka and I are hanging out
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
Fun fact. I just wrapped myself in wrapping paper for a sext. Is this a new high or a new low stay tuned.
it’s my vagina i can do what i want to
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