The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
I can die happy now, I have been kicked out of strip clubs on six different continents
Vegas is awesome. Its like you have a kentucky accent girls automatically assume you don't have herpes.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
Due to our sore throats we are now doing bong hits with cranberry juice to sooth it.
I remember tearing his shower curtain down but I don't remember trying to shave my vag...
So I'm seriously debating forwarding these sexts to his horse faced new gf including the ones that say he still loves me... but I still need his check to clear... decisions decisions
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
i was like his sober eyes girls would come up to us, show us theirs and if approved by me blew him, if rejected they went to my truck with a bottle of patron
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
Omg I just woke up. In the hallway outside my room. I know you had something to do with this
Randomize
