TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
I accidentally threw away from slim jim and some lady saw me dig it out of the garbage. It was unopened but still, I look so homeless.
she was pretty much dry humping my leg when her boyfriend walked in. he says "you should probably leave." all i could come up with was "YEAH, I KNOW!"
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
She eyed me up from across the bar and mouthed "I have no gag reflex".
The kid that passed out is still in the bathtub filled with ice and the empties
It's like you are the superhero of getting jizzed on
I JUST WANT TO HAVE MILDLY SOCIALLY ACCEPTABLE SEX WITH HIM AND CALL HIM CUPCAKE.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
DELETE THAT VIDEO OF ME MAKING OUT WITH THAT RUG NOW
I haven't had sex since the Vanilla Ice concert
Please don't have sex ever again just so you can say that forever.
WTF. I was 99% sure I went straight home last night. I just woke up hugging a chair, and my tux pocket has a flask filled with what I think is red bull and gatorade. This has to be your doing.
He doesn't understand the concept of a strip club. He keeps falling in love
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