I would pay so much money for a video of you fucking a sheep
you went up to their shower, tripped in it, accidentally turned it on and then claimed that you like to "test everyone's showers"
Do you know how hard it is to masturbate with a runny nose?
So can you tell me who's underwear is on the cat?
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
someone lit off fireworks while I puked in the street. I was like congratulating me for making it through homecoming.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
We had a 30 min conversation last night about whether or not to bone that girl with a lisp to see if she moans with one...
he may be homeless but his dick however is not... anymore.
There was a tour on campus today, and there were two girls i went to high school with in the group. They saw me and ran up to me as i was unlocking my door. when i opened it, kate was laying in a pile of glitter and beer cans. We need to reevaluate.
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
fuck st louis. fuck their hockey. fuck their basball. fuck their football if they still got it. fuck their tiddlywinks teamm. fuck their ribs. fuck their entire city. what im trying to say is i dont like st louis
You shoulda seen me try and clean up custard from an eclair off the floor while trying to pretend to be sober for my mom. Fucking hilarious.
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