I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
my cabbie only has one arm...this can't be safe
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
Don't ever tell me I'm a bad friend. I woke up at 7 this morning to drive your mistake home because you wouldn't get up.
Woke up this morning with a junior police officer sticker over my nipple this morning.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Kristy will be communicating through my phone. Due to her current blood alcohol level, the laws of Pennsylvania, Erie county, and common decency have deemed that she is no longer permitted to have her own phone.
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
His gf just liked my changed relationship status. She's gonna shit bricks when she finds out he left her for me. Bless her little heart.
So, I without a doubt haven't used the bag I'm now carrying since we were dating. Just had to discreetly throw out an unopened magnum in a bus station.
You also spilled beer on my dog and tried to wipe it off with a paper towel but he kept getting away from you.
He is in my tree wearing full on scuba gear ... Get here asap.
So I had this brilliant idea that I would sleep in all sorts of sweatpants and sweatshirts... Apparently I thought I could "sweat" off the drunk in my sleep and that it would make me feel better when I woke up
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
Randomize
