He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
He paid the bartender with money from the tip jar then proceeded to hit on me in front of my date. I love frat dances
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
The date officially concluded on the phrase "Nosh dat vag".
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
I touched the butt once. 'Twas an experience with the greatness of legend. So I touched it once more.
If sandwichs had dicks, my life would be complete
My feet surprised me
what happened last night?!
you took a shot and then laid down on our kitchen table and passed out.. then when we tried to move you to the couch you screamed "no! i love tables"
Do u think the bouncer will let me in with a giant stuffed snake?
You ate all the burritos in sight....I cant take you to mexican restaurants anymore
You left me a note that said "The Earth is blowing up. Bring the Rosé." WTF.
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