I hate your face
tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
I feel like my whole life has been one big pre-game for Mexico.
We have to talk through the words with friends chat so his gf won't find out
if you want blown tonight you're gonna have to take me up on that offer now. in less then 45 minutes you're gonna be blacked out and i'm not doing something i'm not getting credit for in the morning.
I don't care if shes your sisters age. Once someone is on my to do list theres only one way to get them off it
Hurry up and get here I'm judging myself
I am not going to ask my mother to pause a movie so I can have phone sex.
So I think I might just embrace the awkwardness and say he fingerblasted her cause thats the greatest word in existence
Woke up this morning buried in a mountain of chex mix and bubble wrap. We must have been doing something great last night
And don't worry, my exact words were "I can't believe a baby came outta that thing"
So i had a lucid dream about blowing myself. This is why people love me
As a courtesy going forward if you could not bang in my house that would be nice
I also woke up in a bed soaked of pee and drunkenly lectured him on the dangers of chewing tobacco... weird night
I'm really stressed out right now.
I think you're confusing "stressed" and "sober".
Randomize
