Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
woke up in a freezing tub of water at 6 am again. probably should stop the drunk baths
Shame should no longer be a word in your vocabulary.
You know me. Don't need roses, just dick and food.
When he left he said something to the effect of "well now that I've been used..." I think he may be on to me.
Walking in to my alcoholic Assessment meeting with a black eye = 40% awkward 60% awesome
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
There's green glitter on my nipple rings. #mardigras2013
He fell asleep cradling my ass and every time I moved he adjusted his hand accordingly. I've found the one.
Woke up at my x's house. He said I talked about how much I love panda's for fourty five minutes. Then made him watch The Little Mermaid with me. Made the walk of shame infront of his mom. Things can only really go up from here.
Wait till you get home.
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
Can you get the dildos out of the shower before the maids come?
I just recommended that the library purchase the first major hentai with tentacle porn. Really, I'm doing everyone a favor.
Mom says you're allowed to come home if you replace the towels. I don't want to know why.
Randomize
