The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
my number is 615-555-1212, <3 your favorite asshole
It would be worth it to see how drunk he is right now.
He cartwheeled into the side of the neighbor's garage.
Ok, i'm coming over
I'm going to let the use of the word "hella" slide considering I have sperm older than you.
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
Yeah he had his two razors labeled "face" and "pubes". Should I be disgusted or impressed?
cracked out the beer snorkel again. that thing has a five for five record of getting me naked.
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
dude you literally had like 30 screwdrivers, i thought you were gonna die
that explains why my vomit smells like it came from florida
I pulled a muscle last night drunk dirty snapchatting him
Heard you were the one that shit off Jamie's balcony. FYI there is a cabbie down here out for blood
just so you know.. snorkeling hungover: great decision. I was throwing up and he couldn't even tell!
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
This whole pope visit thing is ruining me having sex.
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