Its ok relax. i can tell ur gonna start raggin. talk 2 u next week
wrigley field is MILF paradise
just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
College reaches a new low. We just carved a shot glass out of a potatoe.
so chris just stuck his hand between rachel's legs and yelled 'TROUT!' and we were like...you're wasted
Watch the news tonight. They interviewed me about a fire. I was high as balls so it should be entertaining.
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
I woke up at 6am to a knock and a naked guy at my window.
She just made out with a golden retriever. I'm disgusted and turned on all at once
I'm an approx 70% certain someone switched my UV Blue for Windex - just as volatile as you might think.
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
My dad lost his bandaid somewhere in the turkey. It was a mixture of thanksgiving and an Easter egg hunt
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
after we got done having sex, you rolled over and ask what your yelp review was. So yea I'm kinda mad.
The bouncer just called me magically delicious... apparently I'm a lucky charm. hollllleeeerrrr!
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