He cooked the food on a paper plate in the oven.
It was like doing yoga with his dick in me
she's got that wholesome 16 and pregnant look.
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
mid blow job she looked up and said "we aren't even facebook friends!"
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
All my credit cards need to be pressure washed
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Also, I would just like to reiterate my apologies for tearing up in the grocery store.
How much money would it take for the bouncer to get us beers while we wait in line to get in?
$450 apparently whoopwhoop
Is it ironic that our divorce court is a block from where we had our reception? Or is it just sad? Alanis has confused my understanding of irony.
Crying into a glass of wine at 10 am isn't exactly how I planned this day to go
Is it sad or funny that I just bought two pregnancy test at the dollar store to give away to people on New Year's Eve while driving for Uber.
Randomize
