oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
Apparently I ran up to the group of cookie-cutter blonde chicks and screamed "Delta Gamma Nuuuuuuu!" really excitedly and tried to hug them and share fake sorority stories with them.
I need a second opinion on who's blood is in my car.
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I can't get over how you look like his sister and he wants to fuck you.
Saw a girl lying on her back next to a fire hydrant. Not sure if passed out drunk or sleeping under the stars
wait nvm its a dude
I haven't seen her in probably 3 months and when she showed up wasted to my house she promptly pulled out her tit
O was like, nah, fuck 50-50. My version of bi is that i'm 80% gay, 20% drug-addled decisions. Apparently he's straight on hallucinogens.
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
Fun fact: the guy I banged last night. His middle name on his birth certificate is "Windstorm."
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
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