he's the Salvador Dali of pubic shaving
Can Purell be used as lube?
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
My grandmother cheats at beer pong and has been rubbing her tainted victory in my face for an hour now.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
Officially conquered sex on my couch with my dad asleep in the next room
I like how you say "conquered" as if that was your sole mission in life
Well, while we went through airport security, I found out Mom got her clit pierced, so there's that.
And then before we had sex he was quoting space jam to me
I wish I could be the kind of drunk Bobbi is... She stumbles around outside at 4am with a broken high heel and babbling about rainbows and getting dick...
I need your help immediately! I sorta kinda sliced my foot off at the ankle with my new kitana. Bring your cooler, ice and some hospital road beers.
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
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