after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
When I told my mom I was having a rough time, she responded with "pop a xanax, take a nap, and when you wake up all will be right with the world." My mom is finally starting to shape up.
We planned for the zombie apocalypse. In great detail. Of course there was booze involved.
My nipple ring got caught on the rug again. Tequila makes me unlearn these things
I literally recorded a toilet flushing to make it his ringtone to remind me what a piece of shit he is
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
Nope, can't do it. It's a snowball effect. Today, leggings as pants. Tomorrow, female hitler. Natural progression.
I met his dad. Turns out he was a one nighter from the nurses conference in Vegas. Not sure how to handle this one.
Clearly, you already have. Both of them.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
drunk me cartwheeled over a turtle sandbox & slit my foot open on a cinder block. how do you explain that to a doctor?
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
Dude why is my bed and bedding wrapped in bubble wrap?
Cuz u wanted to insure u had a safe sleep
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