How was Slumdog? Did it pull your heartstrings?
It was entertaining. Better than most other Mexican films.
I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
Yeah, I was googling pictures of sharks, and I accidentally typed "shart." Huge mistake.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Great News, you CAN smoke bowls with a magnifying glass
my drunken justification for peeing in her closet was that her shoes were ugly
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
I realized after pounding back 151 and head banging into each other to "the drop" of that dub step song, that we weren't meant to have boyfriends at this point in time.
Can you come pick me up and take me to breakfast then the police station?
Where's your car?
The girl I brought home apparently stole it
Apparently drunk me thought it was a good idea to buy $100 worth of band aids and stick them all over everything in the apartment.
I'm in Florida in a retirement community the fuck am I supposed to do but watch tv and disgrace Jesus
The cashier looked at my basket, looked at me and said "That's a lot of wine." I looked at her and said "Mother in law." She nodded approvingly.
Not sure, she said after cussing out the dentist they called security. Make that the first person I know 86'ed by a dentist.
If I get back to the house before you, I'm setting up the swing. If you get there before me, it's chains and cuffs.
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
Randomize
