apparently they started giving me water shots and i couldnt tell the difference
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
it's so much work when my dad takes my car to get fixed, i had to take out the bottles, condoms, and my pipe
It's sad really how 5 am brings with it a distinction from drunken to pathetic.
shes the only person ive ever met that could make "i don't swallow" sound sexy
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
Its like bringing all that milkshake to the yard and I'm a diabetic and can't have any
I think I have to break up with him. I just cried, not moaned, screamed, etc, cried, with tears of sadness and disappointment when I came.
Whatever the emoticon is for "balls deep". That.
I knew my bag made it because I could smell the fireball that spilled inside of my suitcase before it was on the luggage carousel.
I think the lady at jack in the box started crying when we put in our order.
How do you nicely stand up a date that you're skipping for a 3sum
If wanting to text you my feelings after three mojitos is wrong I don't wanna be right.
Tonight is an "I'm lonely and single so I'm going to curl up in a warm, melatonin and vodka enriched ball in the corner of my bed with a cat." kind of night.
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