Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
You're the host. Of course you wear the diaper. It's like wearing the pants.
she just stood in the kitchen yelling "REAL WOMEN HAVE CURVES"
Jake just asked if thanksgiving was an american thing...I left the table
how should i feel about a person who brings a box of eggo waffles on the plane as a carry on?
The bouncer was kicking me out and I put up my finger for him to wait while I chugged the rest of my drink..all he could say is "are you serious right now?"
"guaranteed dick" "anywhere - her room, my room, trees, couch"
Sorry that was quotes about you from the grad student.
EVERY guy that's EVER been in my vagina has texted me tonight for a booty call. Narrow it down to the greatest hits or just work in timeline order?
I walked around with red solo cups on my feet, weeds tied around my neck and a tree in my hand
Everyone's impressed that I actually got pee all over his car since I'm a girl and they're a little curious..
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I'm torn between wanting to wear lipstick and wanting to make out with strangers.
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I have a lot of money, and no morals. shots on you when you get here.
Randomize
