Yeah and Nick is shooting his loaded 9mm in his backyard.
He uses pillows to masturbate.
you would think someone who fights for his country could fight to last longer than 2 minutes
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I talked a bachelorette party out of a 4 person bucket of long islands, and drank it by myself. Please call me a taxi. The fat brides maid just grabbed my cock
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
Not exactly sure why you felt the need to get the halloween decorations out. But waking up to 7 carved pumpkins really scares the shit out of you.
Dude, she found the red hair dye from 4th of July. then she proceeded to give you a red mohawk for a more patriotic thanksgiving eve. How do you not remember that?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
if you fuck our toilet off the wall again, i'm going to be so mad.
He followed me on twitter after I posted a drunk screen shot of a tweet. It's like he gave me permission to stalk him on a whole different level.
Did we smoke in a portapotty last night? And if so, do you think the brown stuff covering my body is actually dirt?
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
It's a long story, but I accidentally peed on my dog. I'll tell you about it tomorrow, and we shall never tell my wife.
Randomize
