I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
i woke facing the corner with my computer and i had googled "how to put out a fire" i am so scared to turn around
i lost his rear view mirror, your phone charger, and my lesbian virginity. 21 isn't shaping up too well so far.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
All hell broke loose. When the police showed up, this kid somehow haggled with a cop to let him pee in public. I'm convinced he could talk the panties off of a nun
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
Don't forget to make sex 3rd on your calander
Everyone says she blew me in the bathroom, so I believe it, I just don't REMEMBER.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Last night you were prentending to be a broom stick...you were laying on the floor and humming the Harry potter song.
I’m sorry I got high and yelled about the patriarchy.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
We already gave up cheese, how are we supposed to give up coke?
My ovaries melted while we were talking. I almost told him I would suck his soul out through his dick
That would be a memorable parent teacher conference for sure
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