wrigley field is MILF paradise
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
when she was cumming she looked like terri schiavo. it took all of my memorized porn images to not go limp.
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
I just don't have the heart to tell my mom you peed in our washer machine last night.
I briefly wondered why they weren't in school, but after the tinier one shouted "check out dem titties!" I had my answer
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
The guy in the next stall screamed courtesy flush and then puked. Bless you Vegas
After we fucked he shhhh'd me and said your welcome
That dick who always called me a slut in high school showed up at the clinic with boner problems. Then I was assigned as his nurse. Who's laughing now. I AM.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
And my cousin was so drunk he called an uber and instead he got into a cop car and they took him to the hospital
Right now I'm laying face down on my carpet in my living room in the darkness sending work emails from my phone.
It's a glamorous life.
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