The elaphant ear plant popped a new leaf ! Wahoo !
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
Lost my key. Fell asleep on the doorstep and got woken up by host grandma poking me with a broom.
there's a guy in the del taco parking lot doing pushups. let's be his friends
I want someone to sweep me off my feet and you want someone to fuck you on the kitchen table. They're both perfectly logical needs.
It's kind of like, standing in a garage and pretending you're a car. Except you're naked.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I am his drunk Jesus. I will love him from afar because he's my little lamb
This guy smelled his armpits before trying to approach me at the bar
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
