I have no idea what her name is. I only remember putting my dick between her ass cheeks.
We were tigers and tigers don't wear pants
imagine if we didn have a dick. we would be so much more productive
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
Did they have a limo or was i just stoned?
He lectured me about the dangers of drugs while wearing a sombrero and doing interpretive dance.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
I just rode a horse than walked onto my property in boarshorts, flip flops, and holding a 40. What do I win?
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
You thought you were Snapchating on your tablet, but were really just poking John Stamos' face on my Full House dvd case...
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
I just had to explain to my grandma what a reach-around is. Too far..
We got cut off at a bar at 4pm. We aren't human
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