I know they r crazy. However porn on a big screen is an easy commitment. They come with mute, stop, fast fwd and replay buttons. if only all women came that way...
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
I got to stop making out with my boss at work. I think we should just get it overwith, be dissaponted and move on.
Do you ever look back at facebook pics and say, "are those really guys I had sex with?"
Ive never seen someone more dtf than a soaking wet drunk girl who stumbles into your backyard.
I just watched a video of Justin Bieber kissing a girl..... the sad thing is that I actually got upset.
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Was just told that I was slipped 2 hits of acid in my in flight drink before takeoff. 8 hours to Germany wish me luck
When i say that im working late and also have a paper to write before 9am tomorrow all i want u to respond is saying that ur gunna come over and sexually distract me from my responsibilities. Not a fucking frowny face.
Sorry. Im on my way.
I invited you and you fucked me in the face with the penis of disappointment and shit.
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
As yoda would say; A bitch, she is.
I was going to be upset with you on moral grounds but then i realized free chocolate was involved
it's your last night here, let's make it one we may or may not remember.
You're moving up the public shitting ladder
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