I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
just put cider in my bong. gotta love fall
Who the hell brings a 6pack to a party. I'm trying to make mistakes.
If im still in the bathroom puking when the sirens go off please distract the cops.
I always knew I'd be the first one with an STD
I'm taking a new approach to homewrecking... for science. Or I totally would. I have to see what happens between my ex & his brother when he finds out.
I wore granny panties last night to ensure I didn't sleep with him. He said they made me seem more mature. I need a new plan
i just wrote an ode to an enchilada dorito. i'll need that pregnancy test now please.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
Was I at least a good cuddler? Like at least honorable mention?
I just had sex in the men's bathroom of a Chinese buffet...
YOU ARE MY HERO
Time to eat Mexican food til I hate myself.
That's completely alright, I do it a lot.
On a scale of 1 to i should hide, how deep did i dig my grave?
im having flashbacks to my time in a waffle cult composed of 9 to 14 year olds
Randomize
