guess who was drunk and crawling in the middle of the road and got brought home by the police last night? HINT: ME
areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
The last thing I want is a chocolate mold of my cock competing with my real cock for time spent in your mouth
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
Even though we had just had to physically take her off of someones lawn she was peeing on when they came outside, she still insisted on walking unassisted the rest of the way home. It was dignity meets shit show.
I have a new game. It's called "how weird can you act before a guy won't fuck you". I've deducted most guys are willing even if you're batshit insane.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Haha sweet. I'm being the Mad Hatter. I'll be drinking out of a tea cup all night. Or at least until I inevitably lose it, break it, or use it as a weapon.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
You're too drunk for my bullshit, and i'm too sober to put up with yours. I have no idea how you expect to find middle ground here.
I mean, I bought pot and shampoo before I ran out. I think I can adult.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
A girl I had a drunken hook up with is on interventon right now
Randomize
