I wish I only lived at night.
I wish I had a waterproof laptop so that I would watch porn in the shower.
The only way I made it through work was reminding myself how many margaritas per hour I was making
Knitting and drinking wine. Forget my 21st birthday, might as well just skip to my 60th
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
I've never seen the starbucks guy more terrified than when you dove out the car window after your credit card
and you think what you did last night was bad? at least you didnt go wake up a sleeping guy for birthday sex.
I really want to title the album "I want to make sex with your face" but I also want a job someday. Temptations, temptations.
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
I think they're German
Just say lederhosen and see what happens
Haha yeah that's basically it. He was like "i've always had a thing for you, and even sober i still would do and feel the same way." so glad to know i am worthy of a sober hookup as well.
Try eating a sub blackout with your uncle. It's not easy ok
I rode home in a shopping cart so there's that. MVP to the guy that pushed it.
I'm with the cops, Trish's gay husband stabbed himself and is framing her for attempt of murder and I'm dressed 4 the club I'm wearing leather pants leather jacket leather boots and black club top. Embarrassed
My arm is completely dead, never again will i give you a 20 minute hand job. You better have enjoyed that asshole. I have to text with my left hand now.
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