my mother and i just seriously had a convorsation about why you cant Google "Refurbished Dildos"
it was funny though when you first woke up you pointed at my shoe and said i need my jacket and then put my shoe on your hand
I think it is impossible 2 take a person seriously when their last name is Pancake
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
Don't get me wrong, I love talking about lube and such, but why are we?
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I wasn't an ass in college so much more like I showed my ass a lot especially during serious beerpong games. You know I don't fuck around when it comes to sports.
I just hit on a guy in a doughnut store... is that too suggestive?
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
his mom fetish really needs to stop. this is literally the 5th time i've come home from work and there's been some random skank and her kids in the living room.
did one of the kids use their poo like a crayon on the wall this time?
tell raye i said hi and sorry for bleeding on the limes
My fuck it list is complete! I finally got a firefighter!
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