Come over! I've just turned Titanic into a drinking game. I drink every time I want to fuck Leonardo DiCaprio.
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
My fight-or-flight response is really more fight-or-fuck
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
I assume it was your influence that had me go from DD to waking up out on the deck with one eyebrow shaved off??
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
If I shaved my pubic hair into a heart for valentine's day how much would you judge me?
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Dude I bought tampons with cardboard applicators by accident and now I know my vagina hates the 1960s
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I don't know why this person would ask for help. It sounds pretty OK to me. Also, I'd steal those bagpipes.
He thought reverse cowgirl meant he dressed up as a cowgirl. Honestly, it was more creepy than funny
I need to bang the neighbor boy. He’s given three women screaming orgasms this week alone.
Also, my apartment walls are too thin
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