Did u get laid? I went and bought lube and fleshlighted it while moaning ur name the whole time.
can't come. weird drunk guy passed out on couch. long story, tell u later.
wtf. wake him up, call him a cab, get over here!
i just want to make sure he doesn't die. or rob me. plus it's facinating, he's faceplant on the arm of my sofa.
The university put out a message about those missing salt and pepper shakers... You should at least give back 60 of them.
when we were having sex and i started crying and telling you i missed you..why couldnt you stop and tell me how you felt or make me feel better?you kept going...
you kept shouting how the only tree you would hump is an elm tree because they're under populated
Abby. I can text perfectly. I pledge allegiance to the flag of the united states of america. and to the republic, for which we stand, one nation under god indivisible and with liberty and justice for all god bless america
I woke up this morning with a wristband and I thought I went to the hospital last night I actually went ice skating instead
We fucked in my trunk while on the clock....what did you do at work today?
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Finding out you're not a mother on Mother's Day >>>
Do you know how close I got to throwing him over the edge of the canyon?
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
Just opened my sisters laptop to "cute places to lose my virginity" googled last
Chasing shots with airborne.. Gonna get rid of my sickness and my soberness.
Randomize
