I don't think ill make it tonight the floor wont let me walk
then she came back into the room with a neckbrace on. i thought she was getting ready for the pounding of a lifetime.
Just woke to a Christmas wrapped pack of hotdogs in my bathtub. How high did we get?
Not even the dog will look at me anymore.
You know were out to late when I call my hook up at 8:08pm and 8:08am in the same night.
Last time I get high to write a paper the night before it's due. "Tiny Wings and sexuality" is not an acceptable topic to for a paper. Class in 30 minutes. I'm fucked...
You call it a hangover, I call it a baby squirrel burrowing its way out of my head.
My vagina loves me do-dah do-dah my vagina loves me do-dah do-dah
I picture you throwing your vagina around in the same fashion that they pass out candy at a parade.
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
There is nothing worse then the feeling after you've held in farts all night..
What's his name?
the bartender goes "wow its so good to see you sober" and gives me a hug
He offered to dress his dick up as Charlie Chaplin to cheer me up.
Keep him.
When God made him he put all his talent in his dick. What he lacks in brain, he makes up for in loin.
I'll be perfectly honest; there are times other guys have consented to have sex with me because of my punctuation.
You still owe me one bodily function mess clean up.
You pee on the floor one time and you never hear the end of it...
Randomize
