She was sucking his dick at Seacrets outside bar in front of all of us...her friends kept coming over crying and yelling "Tiffany stop it"
we dont know what were doing after yet. first up we have 90 beers and a party kit and fun hats.
Just watched a guy fight a garbage can then pee on it, screaming "I told you to listen to me the first time!!" San Francisco, I've missed you.
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
I slept with him to see his dog one last time
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
I would say I am sorry for punching you last night, but I found the pictures you took on my camera and it all came rushing back.
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
I mean there are things broken right and left, I woke up surrounded by dog statues, and we had a vodka bubble bath.
If it's any consolation, I made really strong brownies yesterday and had 3 and then I saw demons
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
One a scale of one to hella drunk, how gracefully can I make it down those stairs
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
