I just snorted a line of adderall through a rolled up business card for the Michigan Law Admissions Office.... Tell me I'm not motivated
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
We asked "Is that Andy puking in the bushes, its 7 AM" he looks up and goes "It's okay guys, its 7:30"
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
in a thick russian accent she said "im not so good with english, much better with dick"
I still count it as showing your tits. Even though the wall was the only one who saw anything. Your boyfriend was pissed.
I've slept in a different bed every day this week. Operation Ho Ho Ho is a success!
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
I fell in the river last night. The allegheny to be exact. Omg getting drunk at work gatherings is dangerous
Please don't bang more than two exes at a time, just so I won't get confused.
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
I made out with him in the club and he endorsed me on Linkedin. My networking skills are off the charts.
I sit across from him at graduation so I get to stare at him and think about how I fucked his step brother and laugh to myself
I just want a guy who makes lots of money, has a skilled penis and the sex drive of a 22 year on Viagra. Is that too much to ask?
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