I miss having pregnancy scares ....at least i knew i was having a good time
Just barfed in my hand. Needless to say, this day is off to a great start
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
You don't even understand how penises react in the cold. I'm like a 8 year old boy right now.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Just hooked up on shake weight girl's dad's porsche. What are YOU doing with your life?
I just want uncharted vagina. Fresh and ripe.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
What about.....a game of twister and....wait..nevermind. I've hit my cap for sexualizing things today.
I just mistook cooking oil for the whiskey that was also on the counter... They're the same colour. That was not a good shot... I need to not drink alone.
So this 40 year old woman was trying to bring me into the bathroom to blow me and the bartender called the cops on her because she was showing her tits. Only in asbury.
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Randomize
