this dieting is killing me...just started drooling watching a dog food commercial
Dude pussy is like music. For every person who pays for it, there are thousands more getting it for free.
cheating on your boyfriend is the best diet ever, I've barely eaten in days. The guilt is killing me
She told me she loves her boyfreind while she was giving me head. He must be a nice guy
I chugged vodka from a 15 ft snorkel. What the fuck did you do with your life today?
I said "I am wrapped in the Cocoon Of Comfort! You should go." He started to argue and I yelled "COCOON OF COMFORT!!!" silencing him
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
My vagina needs her own mother sometimes.
I didn't want to hook up with him so I just jumped out of bed, yelled "I don't even believe in god!" and ran out of the room
Nothing quite like the "I had sex you a month ago and now we're stopped at the same 4 way" wave
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
I'm kinda sad I'm leaving the bank. I never got to have rough sex in the vault.
The bar brought brought it upon themselves, they played billy joels piano man before closing, it's not our fault the bar isn't a bar anymore, right?
I'm still amazed at how you managed to get Doritos in my damn front pocket without me noticing. I got crumbs everywhere.
Randomize
