Yesterday I was informed there is a jewish dating website called jdate, I'm considering joining out of academic curiosity
I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
You would think that an uncircumcised man would understand how the hood of a clit works.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
Stumbled into class and into a desk. When I fell my bottle broke in my backpack. I had to leave there was vodka everywhere.
Priorities: waking up on your doorstep desperately clutching half a meatball marinara but with no sign of your keys, purse or housemate. Where are you?!
Why do I always miss the parties you're naked at?!
I get naked cuz your not there
I suppose I should wish you a happy one year of bumping uglies
lesson #1 of freshman year: grinding with a sombrero is difficult
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
We turned his nipples into a drinking game.
Things change once you put a ring on it. 5 years ago if I had morning wood she would have gone nympho on that. Now I am just lucky if she touches it rolling when we sleep.
Randomize
