haha i took a picture of myself naked on her camera
She didnt have a camera...
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
She has an album entitled "my photography", which consists of about 80 different pictures of a tractor that she took on her cell phone. I'm all for freedom of expression, but come on.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
This election needs to be over, im tired of girls asking who im going to vote for mid hookup
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
well I got an eye infection from a stripper motorboating me but overall it was a great weekend
It's only just- an eye for an eye, a tooth for a tooth, a nude for a nude
Honestly I volunteered because the email made it sound like it was a once in a lifetime opportunity to be a sexual spy kid.
If its not for food we ain't going out.
Eaten today: granola bar, pumpkin donut, and fritos. Oh, college nutrition.
omg girl... i cut your hair last night. tell me it looks okay!? i saw hair on the counter and i said ohhh nooo
So apparently I fell asleep sitting on the toilet last night while my drunk girlfriend sang to me.
Randomize
