Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
It's fine actually... I'm pretty sure he had the crookedest weiner in the world anyway.
Like he had it hanging in the wind and you just decided, "nope, I don't think that one's for me." ????
God no! I could just feel it. His clock said it was 8:00 when, clearly, it should have been midnight.
Everything gets a little fuzzy after the flats of jello shots, but I do have a vague recollection of being at the top of a large human pyramid
I'm drinking beergaritas with a dog who is high and a baby
your completely serious
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
The nurse who basically saved my life just came into the store. Didn't recognize her. Awwwwkward.
Explain the King Dong next to my face.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I got in an argument over whether or not I'm a slut. I argued yes.
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
sometime during the night he found me in the empty hotttub singing marvins room in only my bra.
Okay, but that still doesn't explain all the glitter in my puke.
I hope no one at work can tell or smell that I have tequila in my hair and I haven't showered for days
Well, he was practically tripping over his dick to get to me so I'd say my new dress was successful
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